I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
