yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
