You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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