I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
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