Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
