i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He did a backflip because drugs
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
