I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My balls are so social today.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
