Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
