We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
