Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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