I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
