you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize