so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
