I heard we made out
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
