just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
