Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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