I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
