one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
