How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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