I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
