I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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