Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
