I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't deserve a penis
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
