All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
