I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
