Cold hands, warm shart.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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