i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
