im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
