I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
