i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
