I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
