I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
