i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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