No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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