I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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