there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
