I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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