You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
