This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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