I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
