We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
