you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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