also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
