he wants to bone in the snuggie
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I did not marry a roomba.
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