C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
