wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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