I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
tell me about the fingering
Randomize