One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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