fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
