the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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