I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
