She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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