I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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