there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
