just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
