Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
