I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
as a side note pls kill me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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