I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
