i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
