TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
