he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize