I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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