new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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