The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
