Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
