My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize