I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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