Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
