Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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