Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
