Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
