I want to stick my p in your. b.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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