Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
