Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
