I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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