All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
