i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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