My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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