She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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