i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
