Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
