There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
