Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
