Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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