We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
