sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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