I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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