if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize