I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
