My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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