i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize