Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
