Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize