I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
