billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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