Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
