Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
