This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
two words...techno handjob
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
