bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
