i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
