first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
