My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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