so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
